


For you, I promise.

by mrsbutterfleyes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Asexual Levi Ackerman, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Hurt No Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Levi Needs a Hug, Levi-centric (Shingeki no Kyojin), M/M, Multiple times, No Happy Ending Fest, Sad, Swearing, What Was I Thinking?, also levi needs to rest, idk why i wrote this, no beta read we die like erwin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:00:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29411571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsbutterfleyes/pseuds/mrsbutterfleyes
Summary: “We’ll be leaving in a few days. I don’t know when I’ll be back,” He sighed, “I don’t know if I’ll be back.”--or: the Levi Squad is leaving Paradise Island and Levi decides to visit Erwin's grave one last time. Emtional Levi ensue.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Comments: 5
Kudos: 59
Collections: Amazing EruRi Fics





	For you, I promise.

“We’ll be leaving in a few days. I don’t know when I’ll be back,” He sighed, “I don’t know if I’ll be back.”

His eyes closed a bit. He looked much older than he did a year ago. His hair looked thicker, his features sadder, his eyes darker. He was done fighting. He’d been fighting his whole life. To stay alive, to keep soldiers alive, to avenge fallen comrades, to keep the thoughts away. And god, he was so tired.

He let his head tilt back, hitting the cold stone with a silent thud.

The weather was nice today. The sky was clear, the sun shining through the cerulean sky, leaving a warm feeling on the man’s skin.

“You know, Erwin, the brat really is smart. You were right,” he let a strangled chuckle. “Of course you are. You always were.”

He let his hand hit the fresh grass. His throat felt too thick, too itchy, too close to bursting.

“Why’d you leave me?” He let out, surprising himself, “God, Erwin I want to hate you so fucking much. Going around telling how much you cared about me. How much you’d never leave me and then go and take the first occasion to die. And I had to tell you… to tell you to go kill yourself. For what? The greater good? Of what exactly? We just found out the world outside this damn cave is even more fucked up than a world were fucking titans eat people! Titans who, after all, are people! I…” he took a deep breath.

“What I’m trying to say is, it’s not worth it. Our lives has always been shit but now… now I wonder if it wouldn’t have been better if we hadn’t tried to seek for that fucking idea of freedom. What is even freedom? Jaeger has been obsessed with that idea lately. Freedom here, freedom there, he’s losing himself, Smith. And you’d know what to do. What to say. Because you always knew what was the right thing to do.” He opened his eyes.

“Sometimes I regret saving the brat. He’s too much like you. He’s literally a mini you. He thinks, acts, talks like you. I don’t think he realizes. I don’t even think he does this on purpose. It’s just who he is. God, he even looks like you. I wouldn’t be surprised if we find you two were secretly brothers or cousins.”

A warm breeze whooshed through the graves, hitting the side of the man. His hair flowed with the wind.

“All I want,” he inhaled, bringing a hand through his black locks. “Sometimes, I see your face. Maybe I’m going insane. Probably. But sometimes, I’d be walking, going to check up on those brats and here you are, in front of me, your fucking piercing eyes looking at me and you’re smiling, Erwin. Why in the ever-loving fuck would you be smiling? You’re dead. You’re dead and I’m still breathing. Why couldn’t you hold on a little? I thought you were never supposed to leave me?”

He felt the tears streaming down before he could prevent his body. His eyes were unfocused, blurry, he felt like his brain was taking advantage of his state to simply blurt out what he’d meant to say all those years ago.

“I was supposed to kill you. I was supposed to hate you and _kill_ you,” a chuckle. “But you and your perfect face took me in, believed in me, comforted me, fucking _loved_ me. And you took whatever my soul is made of and whipped it all clean like it was the easiest thing in the world. I’m not an easy person. I know. Dammit, I know I’m not an easy person. And you still stayed by my side.”

He let more and more tears fall on his cheeks, following the wet path. He didn’t care anymore. He didn’t find it in himself to care anymore.

“I wish I knew what made you think I’m so special in me. I wish I had the bravery to tell you what I felt. I spend all my time killing titans and people and practically raise these brats but I couldn’t even face you. It was never about fucking you. It was about the way you’d fall asleep in the fucking kitchen table at ungodly hours because you stayed up with me just to keep me company during my sleepless nights, your cup of tea running cold. It’s about the way you brought out the best of me. Why the fuck would you do that? It’s about the way we’d stay in this silence, comfortable, easy silence doing whatever we were doing on our sides. But we were together. We were together and now you’re gone and what am I supposed to do, Erwin?”

He drew in a deep breath. “I don’t know how much am I still going to fight. For how long I’ll hold on. I… I need to stay alive. For… god, I need to go see all of this. What’s beyond the sea. You’d love the sea so much. I don’t know what is waiting for us there. Probably hell. Probably worse. But I’ll do it. For you. I’ll keep fighting for you. It’s a promise.”

The man stood up, whipping his hands on his black pants.

He looked down for a moment, breathing through his nose one last time.

“Just wait for me, Erwin. Wait for me.”

**Author's Note:**

> listen guys, don't ask me what this is  
> i woke up and choose violence  
> but if y'all mentally ill pals liked it, kudos and comments are always appreciated!  
> if you want to cope with whatever the hell i just wrote, i wrote a short fic about levi laughing and erwin panicking


End file.
